Sunday, June 6, 2010

Life in the slow lane

'' Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting me on, or by imbeciles who really mean it."
Mark Twain

Most of the last month has been viewed from the seat of my tractor.

Spring planting is a clean canvas: newly tilled fields alive with the potential (at this early date,anyways) for your best crops ever.

It's like getting ready to go out on a blind date with Mother Nature: She sounds great on the phone and you haven't found out she snorts when she laughs yet.

When you're travelling at 4-5 miles per hour through an empty field, you don't really need a traffic report. I tend to leave the radio off. There is no onboard computer, Blackberry or cellphone........

My wife and I attended an agricultural conference where a speaker asked the members of her audience:
"How many people here have a website?"

My wife and I joyously raised our hands along with many others. After years of talking about it, we could finally join ranks with the enlightened. Blessed technogeekdom at last!

This was the wrong answer as it turned out. Apparently the internet is too slow. Unless you're a farmer that is texting or tweeting; you're a twerp, yesterday's news.

Our speaker went on to explain how a Blackberry or similar contraption would improve our marketing skills, make use of wasted downtime and keep us on the cutting edge of the new "social media."

Anything with a blackberry sounds more like a social disease to me.

Or perhaps "unsocial media" would be a better term.

If you have ever sat down for a meal with a bunch of dedicated Blackberry users, you will know that actually carrying on a meaningful conversation with them is like trying to engage a bunch of people trying to dodge an assasin's bullet. There is a vaguely hunted quality to them.

I always have a strong sense of deja-vu at such moments. The last time I experienced so much under the table interest was during an informal and spontaneous game of "Who-squeezed-the-cheese?"at a friend's sixth birthday party.

I'm sure there's a place for all these wireless wonders; just not aboard my tractor. I love this undisturbed time and all the tweets in the world aren't going to make those beans ripen any quicker.

At this time of year, I think you have to go with ol' Waldo:

"Adopt the pace of Nature; her secret is patience."

Slowly yours,